My heart goes to you..

October 6, 2010 § 12 Comments

This morning as I was spending time with God I stumbled upon something that ripped my heart to pieces. I was trying to see if my blog would come up in search engines, but instead I found the cries of my kind.

These forums, blogs and posts are titled: “Pastor kid’s syndrome”, “Don’t pastor’s kids make the best atheist?” and “I love God but hate the church”. Real Pastor’s kids talking about their struggles and desperation. The reason why I can relate to them is because I am one. Click here to read about me

Here are some of those posts: (click the titles to read the full version) — forgive some of the language

“To start, I am a PK. I was raised in a family with an extreme addiction to religion. I cant even begin to explain how much I hate God and my parents. The old saying of how “pastors children are either ‘really good’ or ‘really bad'(to be horribly cliche) holds true in my case. I, as some would nominalize my actions to be, have turned completely from the things of God. In having Christianity shoved down my goddamn fucking throat for 18 years I was only too ready to leave it behind my freshman year in college.”

“I find it interesting that throughout my whole life I have been able to relate with other pks and they have been some of my better friends. I feel that there is pressure for me to follow in my fathers footsteps however that is not the direction I feel I want to take. I have been
critized, stepped on and continue to feel like I am not meeting some expectations that I’m supposed to meet.”

“I’m glad for my background in religion and the knowledge and experience I have gained from being a preacher’s kid, but I don’t really believe in God. And I am completely against fundamentalism. It’s hard to get along with my parents, especially when they talk about “sins” like homosexuality, or pre-marital sex, or how my mom ignores scientific facts because of what the Bible said.”

“I’m a PK, but I feel like I’ve been rejected by the church. I don’t know how it is elsewhere, but the churches I’ve experienced weren’t willing to accept me and I always felt left out. I hated going to church. I looked forward to worship and praying to God but dreaded the awkward silence I had to undergo just because I didn’t have any friends at church.”

“I think that maybe being a PK pushed me to challenge God. I was expected to know things about religion and to be honest I did, I always joked with my friends and said, “I know how to do the God talk”. It just took me a while to finally understand that faith is really just about a personal relationship with Jesus. It wasn’t the facts I struggled with, It was the spirit.”

My heart goes out to each one of you who are struggling out there. Being a pastor kid does not mean you have found Jesus. “Pastor’s kid” is a status, and status is an “it”. Religion is an “it”. But Jesus is a “Him”. He is a person, alive and well. Don’t listen to the lies of the devil and settle for religion. Christianity is about relationship.

I truly believe that there are certain groups of people in our life that only us have the access to relate to and share Christ with.


§ 12 Responses to My heart goes to you..

  • Aldo Hari says:

    Very inspiring! I was touched by your testimony as well as the testimonies of the others too!

    From reading this, I want to emphasize what you have said about status is just an IT as well as religion! You don’t need those its…. all you need is HIM!

    and I tend to forget that!

    As of now, I’m thinking, wow, what will I be after college and stuff… so I’m thinking right… dang wut if one day i’d become rich and famous… but then… i realized… that I’m still hoping for an IT!

    not realizing that there’s a HIM that I already HAVE inside me! I shouldn’t focus much of the it… i should focus on the HIM and the its will follow!


    go CHRIS!

    keep blessing us with revelationsss!!!

  • Yes 🙂 I also have found myself looking at other things in life that I thought is my prize of this race. Found out those are nothing. Let Apostle Paul’s word be our reminder:

    “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:14

    Jesus IS the goal, the focus, and the prize! The person!

  • Thanks for following the blog oni 😉

  • D says:

    Hi Christian… Very interesting blog, and very interesting to read your bio blurb thingy about growing up as a “PK”. I am not a pastor’s kid, but knew many as I grew up in church, and also many more missionary-kids after going into “missions” (and “MK”s seem to experience a lot of the same stuff that PK’s do…) Anyways, I’ve been encouraged and challenged by a lot of the same books by Frank Viola, and so at this point I am wondering… What are your thoughts/perspectives on the whole issue of professional pastors? (espeically considering the perspectives put forth in Viola’s “Pagan Christianity”…) Do you draw any parallels or connections between the unique struggles and pressures experienced by PK’s, and the idea that having a professional “minister” is not exactly a natural function of the Body of Christ?

    Do you think that perhaps testimonies of PK’s like the ones you give examples of here, underline the unhealthiness of dividing the Body of Christ into essentially two castes, the “clergy” and the “laity”?

    In the many discussions I’ve had with people over the whole issue of the “clergy”, usually people scoff at the idea that pastors/preachers are in reality held to a higher expectation that “ordinary people”. Amazingly, most church-goers seem to deny that pastors (or their families) are put up on any sort of pedestal, and instead prefer to believe a much more idealistic slant on things. But your story, and the stories of countless other PK’s, do seem to suggest otherwise! Virtually every pastor’s kid of missionary kid I’ve ever talked to has acknowledged that they were aware, from a fairly young age, that they had to be conscious of how the congregation (or supporters in the case of missionaries), viewed them. The kids are an extension of the pastor’s reputation, and the pastor’s reputation is key to maintaining his (or her) job. In essence, what happens is the re-creation of a type of “priestly class”, where a segment of the church, (who are viewed as having to be of the highest moral caliber) are ushered to the forefront, serving as both a form of intermediary between God and the simpletons, and also as a sort of public relations rep. to the rest of the world. In short, the pastor (who typically does genuinely desire to serve God) is paid to do the stuff that the regular folks aren’t too interested in doing…

    What do you think?

    • Hi D,
      Thanks for taking the time reading my blog. I think Frank’s books are essential to the body of Christ (especially “From eternity to here”)

      Honestly, I haven’t read Pagan Christianity (Cannot wait to read it). But I have heard and read many discussions about the book.

      Regarding your question, I personally believe that today God is pointing the church back to its original blueprint: Christ-centered, Divine life manifesting community. That being said, along the way, God is exposing “the wrong foundation” of the church: Super-pastor syndrome, entertainment-church, etc.

      These wrong foundations have affected many things in the church. Putting “The super-pastor” as the head of the body (in Christ’s place) brings many abnormality in the body. The body of Christ / congregation becomes paralyzed, the super pastor is lifted high and the family of the pastor suffers. I’m not blaming my Dad or any pastors, but I’m pointing out the wrong foundation.

      As a P.K. I would say Yes, the pressure we PK’s have, comes from the faulty foundation i previously mentioned. But I think, the pressure is two-sided. Yes, people have expectations and look up to PK’s, but many of the pressure I put it myself on my shoulder. As other teens struggle with their identity, I struggled with mine. It was just harder for PK’s to express themselves bearing the thought that they will scar their parents’ reputation.

      I think that It’s more than just a bad “system” on the surface, but the fact that the “bad” system is rooted in different motivation other than Christ. And this is the reason why Christianity has become a “Religion” not “relationship”. I do also believe some systems work better than the others.

      I believe God can move in any “system”, as long as the small “local” group of believers are present, understand the eternal purpose and manifest Christ. Sunday meetings are just celebrations NOT church.

  • Thank you D,
    I hope that helps a little bit

  • nenamarie73 says:

    Thank you. You’re testimony saved me from myself today. I was on the verge of leaving my house (where I am also a PK) and never coming back because I couldn’t take it anymore then I stumbled onto your blog and read your testimony. I started crying from joy at the thought of God loving me, you helped me reignite my dwindling faith. Thank you :’)

    • I am glad that you experienced Christ through my brokenness. My prayers will be with you. You’re not alone, let Christ heal you from all those wounds and past hurts. He really loves you!

      Don’t give up on the body of Christ because God loves her.

      The Pastor’s kid

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